Faking thoughts.............

Jumbling thoughts scrolled over my mushy quilt.. as if I would not sleep , my breathings taking my senses from me..all my efforts were to survive that night..

I tried to escape the miserable feeling..faking to cry..faking to puke and faking to be real gain.. but the fake people around me didn't realize the utmost faking thing about me. They laughed at my reality.They hunted for my crooked heart, willing to preserve it for ever. I applied all the survival strategies,they didn't know I was trying to cheat with their intelligence. I treated them as mannequins, they treated me as an illusionary impostor..at least they existed for me but I was never there for them..Possibly they are my illusions..and I was a part of their illusion as well..That vicious circle never crossed the threshold of my delusions..and I still want to escape that night of my misery..kill those thoughts to let them die forever..and beat them all to rest in peace for ever..

Parchaiyo ko kehte suna tha.....

Parchaiyo ko kehte suna tha
Libas khali hain,chalo pehen le saare
Ek jaise hain sab pehchaan khatam ho jayegi
Phir raat ke kale andhero se bhaag payenge

Surago main ab bhi thodi jagah bachi hain
Chup ke thoda sa so jayenge
Milo ki thakane hain, ab sadiyon tak na jaa payenge

katra ke dekha

Raag kathak nache bhaang me..
Ghuli hain raat zabaan mein

pheeka pheeka swaad hain , khushboo katil sawaar hain
jhoot ki woh talash thi , ghoot ghoot beswaad thi..

khatta shalgam katra ke dekha , gumsum se fafoond ko.
rasdhar si behi phir roz roz aankhon tale..

behti gayi khushiya ya khamoshi ,
jhingoor bole majhdaar se.

Gum hona main bhool gayi...

fiza si ruhani thi wo kaanch ki baalkani...
saaya mera bhi khoya khoya sa bathake hi jaa raha tha..
roz-e-ewal sa ghoom raha tha..parchaiyo ki talaash mein

chand khamoshiyan tod laya wo aakhon se..
kehna chah raha tha kuch
bus gale laga liya
ankaha suna diya
aur chal diya sara fitoor uthaye..

dekhti hi reh gayi..samajh meri main kha gayi..
chalti hi reh gayi..gum hona bhool hayi..

The Unthinkable

Today I called him finally,and told him to meet..he sounded like an ocean of current every time I talk to him..ahhh...!!eargasm.....He praises everything on earth except me,well that is actually enticing ...kewl.!!sometimes I find him averagely rude..thrilling ,isn't??+++point
Not a very surprise element,but surprisingly not predictable..sadist for love and hatred..mirror cracking material,camphor unburnt,his sarcasm creates cold wars and the sufferer actually enjoys it..whatever..
he was busy ,he denied to come..now I regret ..why did I call him..me:such a moron..such a non self respecting person..I should go to hell..
oh! I could have called the plumber to fix my loose taps or an electrician to rejoin the wires that came out of my mind,instead of calling him....now the left overs of my dignity tells me to keep on digging the wall,but I am sure he is not the Anarkali..

The crazy lady

She was the Ditcher, the woman chameleon ,the lady most undignified.
She hated truth and thus in her À la carte,there were maximum lies but she lied only for the sanctity of the naked lie..that she loved.

And when they stole her seven masks,she had for her seven ages.The thieves were cursed and she got rid of them;to have her eight one which was the most poisonous of all.The poison was trained to effect the helpers and the mask was so clever,that it never revealed the face inside it which was frozen for eternity.

She was not beautiful but her innocence captured hearts of millions and she ate them for her immortality.Her poison never failed and she kept on using people for fun and then isolated so many of them to cry behind her.

She painted the room darkest of all with red and black as a reward of bravery to her and celebrated the deadliest of her crimes wit the next victim.Her canvas was black and blue...and violet ,everything except white ,she reflected nothing.She was only the absorber of happiness.She snatched a lot of it,burnt it never to be resurrected again...

Ijazat (Permission to leave)

Who could have ever thought of capturing complexities of relations with such ease and beauty....Characters here,actually complained nothing verbally ,but their silence created the magnetized effect for the movie.Journey from the waiting room's darkness to the past life and back to waiting room was a graceful poetry by our dynamic and efficient director "Gulzar Saab".
Maya's (Anuradha Patel)character -that too in the era of 80's was even unthinkable.She gave all the poetic effect to the story.She was the beautiful crazy spirit who balanced the abnormal society,even her death signified her radical lifestyle.when Sudha (Rekha) returns Maya's belongings to her.She enticingly and emotinally asks her unforgivable moment back that she has spent with Mahinder(Naseeruddin Shah)...'Mera Kuch Saman '- the ultimate combination of lyrics,music and singing for Gulzar,R D Buraman and Asha Bhonsle which could never be found again.
The mature subject was so delicately handled that one can even start expecting his/her world to be that much emotionally sound and stable,the mutual mature bonding with melody in life.This movie enhanced Rekha's elegance and Naseeruddin's individuality as a person.
Even the ending,when Sudha asks Mahinder ,the permission to go,gives it a perfect start(for a new life)'Ijazat' to leave him forever (this time).
Jatigriha( the novel inspired it) was justified in true sense and added to the classics of Indian cinema.